I came home from Belize and I couldn’t keep anything down.
Some people thought I had a parasite or that I was sick due to the four layovers it took to get home.
Now, listen. I actually have gotten a parasite before, but this wasn’t that.
What was this? This, my friends, was a new intolerance to processed foods. You see, when I was in Belize, we ate only fresh food. Everything was made or provided “garden to kitchen” style. My body got so accustomed to this way of life that when I had my first taste of airport food, I rushed straight to the bathroom.
What was happening to me? I know the body changes as we get older, but seriously? I was only away for a week! Granted, I also participated in various shamanic healing practices, which have a way of shifting your energy. It was clear that my body had changed, and so had I. I just wasn’t fully aware yet.
But before Belize, there was Yin.
One of my first visceral food-body changes was after a Yin Yoga class. Yin is a type of yoga that involves sitting in postures for several minutes, finding your edge between comfort and discomfort. It’s really great for finding out that all those emotional wounds that you thought you addressed, have actually been living in your hips the whole time.
Surprise!
After my first Yin class, I felt like my eyes were as wide as my entire head. I walked to my car, needing to get fruit…immediately. Suddenly, I found myself at Stop & Shop at 8:55 p.m., racing down the frozen fruit aisle. That was the beginning of my daily frozen fruit consumption. Ever since then, berries have been a staple part of my existence.
The connection is so strong that one week (after no berries), I had a mental breakdown and screamed through my tears, “See!! This is what happens to me when I don’t eat my berries! I’m a mess!!!” My roommate could tell you more about that one. Now, I’m a big feeler and therefore, I feel…big. However, I think I was onto something with this. I only started getting more connected to food as I started tuning into my body and the emotional baggage that was stuck there. As things started shifting, so did my diet. Or maybe it was my diet that shifted my things.
It’s confusing! And yet, so clear. Since then, I’ve been on this journey of loosening the stuck parts or emotions from my system. Food and nature have been integral parts of the process. It happened when I didn’t even notice it. But once I did notice, I noticed how many stories about food live in my family, how many stories in general live in my family. And if they really are stories, how am I telling them? Or what are the ones I want to rewrite for myself…or my kids?
It’s a lot to explore and there’s no black or white/right or wrong way to do “food.” Food is activating for so many people for so many reasons and all we can do is show ourselves grace when we even dare to look at that relationship.
What I do know is this: For so many all over the world, the access to fresh food has been restricted due to money, location, disease, capitalism, systemic racism and classism, genocide, war, etc.
There are structures that have plagued our relationship to the Earth and there are structures that continue to harm the Earth.
Not to mention the violence committed towards people for the sake of taking ownership of land. Sound familiar? Yet, as history shows us, there is a power in the people who decide enough is enough as they take up space despite being told they do not belong.
There comes a moment in everyone’s life where you look yourself in the mirror (*cue Michael Jackson) and ask,
What role do I want to play?
Who do I want to be?
How do I want to show up?
While that answer continues to evolve as I evolve, my way forward (in this particular lane) was suddenly clear. Upon arriving home, I decided that I would integrate the gifts of nature with my student work. What happened in Belize was a new beginning and I would do my best to share its teachings.
At the time, I didn’t know what it would look like. I just knew I was onto something.
That was the beginning of “Peacekeepers: Healing through Conflict”, a restorative justice counseling group in which participants would build out a school garden while growing into school leaders. Before I knew it, every kid wanted to be a peacekeeper and I entered…my landscaper era.
🪴 written October 2023